well i want to jot down in no particular order the life lessons picked up between my last blog and now;
- firstly and ever so tragically I learnt to be alone (by choice) and there is a quote that resonates with me and always reminds to view my solitude in a positive way its goes like this:"SOLITUDE is not the absence of company, but the moment when our soul is free to speak to us and help us decide what to do with our life"- I don't know who the author is but he shed some light on the dark association i had with being alone.
- secondly and ever so imperative do a thorough background check on someone before you allow yourself to fall in love with them. we each owe it to ourselves to make sure that the person we give our hearts to for safe keeping is the right candidate for the task at hand. there is nothing worse then waiting in vain for something promised. but anyway we gather our nap sacks and we grow a foot taller and keep on keep keeping on with lessons learnt and stronger artillery for the next dual with love.
- being female is a bit of a curse, sure there is the blessing side of it but i want to dwell on the negative rather then the positive at the moment. as people born with vaginas and the other accompanying female signifiers we always find ourselves at a disadvantage because we have given males too much power in defining our sexuality. being honked at and ogled with lust filled eyes does nothing but fuel the inferiority sexual complex we inherently have. and that does nothing but infuriate the living hell out of me. if i could i would castrate every single penis that has treated me in this vulgarity. coz honestly we don't deserve it...
- on a lighter note, i think i found out when you want something and keep your energies firm on that something it manifests itself in some form. not always in the form we expected but it gives away enough clues for us to recognise it. i don't have a name for this whole experience but it reaffirms my faith and belief in God, the universe, ancestors and the whole shebaz that is spiritual semantics.
- I'm currently a cynical bitch but I'm hoping my perspective dile will shift towards the more optimistic side. it might take a miracle or two but i would like to genuinely smile about the sunrise and the birds chirping at the break of dawn...I'm guessing that will be sign that i have crossed over to the more happier side of life.
- Ive been on a questioning relationships binge. the one thing Ive never understood about friendships is the amount of investments spent on friendships that never yield any profit. this collection of friends is for what means? is it so people show up to your funeral? Ive always found myself ensnared in friendships that i think by merely keeping quiet have given consent and some kind of commitment to them.only to find myself asking myself why i am friends with someone and have no legitimate reason or answer to that question. Ive never understood this unwritten tit-for-tat rule in friendships. if i do something for you, you are indebted to me type thing...it just very shoddy and false to me. the word friend in my vocab currently stands next to a big fat question mark.
- finish what you start...nothing more nothing less.
- take moments to remind yourself what you love about your life. sometimes it comes in the from a cigarette break, a drink with 'friends?', or a beautiful outfit or just a good book....it takes many forms but yields lovely moments filled with self indulgent love for you. selfish but so necessary.
... there is more but i don't want to risk turning this post into a plot from the days of our lives.
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