verbal diarrhoea has taken a hold of my body like a persistent demonic spirit who goes by the name of Dave for some odd reason ( he introduced himself during a seance). I have to take a toothbrush to the back of the throat and "phalaza" these thoughts out before they hold my mind hostage and skew my view of the world, permanently. This time me and God are seated on a cansi (grass mat) in his "msamo" which is a sangoma consulting room. The smoke from the incense is enough to render a smoker's lungs cancerous. The smell of snuff brings memories of my grandfather to the surface so I smile to myself and give God a knowing nod. but the ambiance is of the firmament nature.
But I have a few questions and thoughts that I want to talk over with God before an antidote can be prescribed and before the ancestors can be consulted. Call this an Oprah moment with God- because you know like Oprah I also know people in high places. I am Debrah Patter and God is getting the 3rd degree, indefinitely. Having grown up watching Felecia Mabuza Suttle on etv I think I have the gaging interrogative talk show host 'thing' down to the tee.
_The first thing one would ask is: "for people who don't know who you are please tell them about yourself and what you do?" but how redundant would that question be: it is friggin God after all.
_but what enquiring minds really want to know is whether Hilter went to heaven. The guy did kill a number of people and on top of that killed himself as well. I can imagine him entering the pearly gates and this mob filled with all the people he murdered just waiting in mob justice stance ready to blacksam him to a pulp. oh how I wish I was a fly on saint Peter's halo.
_so 2012?? should I be heading to church and repenting? Should I commit to being baptised ? heaven seems like a scene from the willy wonker factory so I have to know so I can work my way towards earning that golden pass.
_whats your take on global warming? We humans are becoming like those guest who come to some one's house for the weekend, with their bratty kids and sans parenting skills, who ruin your new paint job and expansive upholstries.
_time for a commercial break... is Satan one of your facebook friends??
_what did shangaan people do to the rest of the black populace of South Africa ? Is there yet another piece of missing history in the black reference books?
_are we ever going to see cow and chicken's parents?
_ so do you hang out and smoke hookah with Muammer Gaddafi and Osama Bin laden and talk shop?
_so when can we expect the aliens to drop by because they still haven't RSVP'd?
_cancer and aids are really the real terrorists can you send us an antidote or is this just the enigmatic allure of the Master's plan?
_What did Somalians ever do to you? If there is anyone who should be starved to an inch of their lives it is Americans...
_are these nouveau priest really legit or is it hope packaged in deceit and financial gain.
_so whats the real story adam and eve or apes?? genesis or charles darwin
_do you know all your children's names even the chinese and xhosa ones?
God has said no comment to all of the questions posed to him (typical) but he will be sending a press release via some viral email so do keep an eye out for it.
We have reached the end of the show (role titles) and in true God style, its an amen and hallelujah till next time!
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